I was always a big girl, I was never a skinny kid. I 'developed'(got boobies)very early, I think I was like 7 or something crazy like that. Most girls get training bras and I went straight to the real deal. When I lived in NY when I was younger all these older guys would hit on me, it was very creepy, but now I understand why. I was an 11 year old girl with a not so 11 year old body. When I was 12 and we moved to VA I started having to take steroids. The reason was because my ezcema got REALLY bad, I mean crying rolled up in a ball in the middle of the room scratching and bleeding and going to the ER bad. I dont know what steroids have to do with controlling ezcema but I guess it worked to an extent. Anyways because of me taking them I got to be a little more 'stocky' if you will.
Through high school I balloned to be almost 300 lbs in my senior year. Thing is my whole life I never FELT fat, I was pretty active I think for a time I was an african dancer and people were surprised by how agile I was, I was an energetic fat person, ha.
So then I went off to college and through those years I think I lost about 20 lbs. That being from walking around campus and being broke and barely eating :}
I think after school I kept losing weight a tiny tiny bit, dont know how much cause I never weigh myself, like why would you do that? So this summer as some of you know my pops passed away. I started medicating myself with food and alcohol and for really the first time in my life I FELT fat. My back was hurting I was tired all the time, I barely had any energy. Sure my job and the hours has something to do with that but I know my weight had a factor as well. So one day I just decided to go to the West Hampton Community Center and become a member so I can use the fitness room and that was at the beginning of this month. Its going on 3 weeks now and I try to go 3-4 days out of the week, I've cut out having a pint of Ben and Jerry's EVERYDAY and started eating Skinny Cow low fat ice cream samiches. Yesterday I didnt even have ice cream but that's because my bank account is super dismal like -$600 dismal, but that's another story. So far I dont know if I lost anything I doubt, I haven't weighed myself in a long time (note to self: weigh self in gym today) But to me its not just about losing weight its about feeling better, my back does not hurt as much, I find myself with a bit more energy and I actually look forward to going to the gym. In the end yeah I would like to lose some lbs but overall in my life I just want to feel better 2009 has been a sh!tty year to be quite honest and I just wanted to get a bit of headstart for a better 2010 and looking and feeling better is a part of it. The other part is finding a better or second job and improving my finances so I can do extracurricular things that I enjoy. Such as save up for DJ equipment so I can start these BIU parties I've been pondering and have extra money to contribute to the household and extra funds to travel to see friends. I dont ask for much in life I just have to go after it.
One Love ~the end~
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