"For Colored Gworls Whose 30 Minute Lunch Ain't Enuff" An Excerpt

I have recently been inspired to write a premise to a non existent stage play. Here is a monologue and the climax to the play. "8 hours, 8 hours a day, I talk, I listen, I resolve. You mean to tell me that I only have 30 minutes for lunch! By the time I take a leak, and heat my meat, my lunch is complete! This can't be right, I say with all my might, this can't be right! I need to breath, I need to watch TV, I need time for ME! This is a struggle that all of us face. This is a struggle for colored gworls of all races! I've lost all my patience! This has become too much! This is For Colored Gworls Whose 30 Minute Lunch Ain't Enuff!!!"

Deep Thoughts

Deep Yo.

Vlog #5

Hey here's a new vlog for dat azz.

Deep Thoughts

I don't really know why but I have been watching a lot of "Man V. Food" on the travel channel lately. Mostly because its the only mildly entertaining program on at the time and then I just can't turn the channel. Watching the show makes my stomach hurt and make me feel like I have bad gas, but the host Adam Richman, can be quite the charmer. I feel bad for him though when he does the food challenges. If I was having a food challenge I would not want people around cheering me on, I would them to shut up, but if they weren't cheering they'll be sitting around looking at me like I was slob so, yeah I get it. I also read that to offset all the food that Adam eats, he works out twice a day during tapings >_> really? Fine I'll take your word for it Adam. And if your wondering, yes I would have a smooshing session with Adam Richman covered in bacon. Your Welcome.

Thoughts/Suggestions for the Rapture

According to hardcore Christians Evangeloonies, tomorrow May 21 2011 is the end of the world/judgement day/the rapture. Apparently this date is in the Bible. I do not know the Bible, I grew up Episcopalian and when I was young I took Saturday Bible classes so I could achieve Communion but got kicked out cause I asked too many questions. Go figure. But I have to be honest when I say I am a little scared when it comes to things like this. Sure my life stinks now but I don't want the world to end living a sucky life. I want to appreciate it with my family before it ends. I don't want to be at work like a dufus. So I ask to the Heavens above, can you wait till I get a better job and a boyfriend before the skies open up and take us to our next destination? If you don't mind of course, im not trying to be pushy, don't hurt me. But here are some thoughts and suggestions I have for the "rapture"
-Listen to Anita Baker's classic album Rapture during the Rapture.



-If the Zombie Apocolypse was to happen, my dad is buried down the street from where we live, would I have to beat him up, cause that's just plain awkward and wrong.

-Listen to the band The Rapture during the The Rapture.

The Rapture - "Get Myself Into It" from ben dickinson on Vimeo.

-Listen to Blondie's "Rapture" during the Rapture.


-So if Bin Laden had gotten his 72 virgins, I hope Macho Man Randy Savage gets 72 unopened Slim Jim's. I want my 72 heavenly pleasures broken down like this: 30 Shia Labeouf's, 15 Rick Gonzalez', 5 Channing Tatums circa Coach Carter, Step Up days, 2 Kanye West's, and 20 Donald Glover's.

Happy Rapturing everyone!

Deep Thought.

-Facebook should have more options for the "relationship status". Mine says single. To me having my relationship status say single is a bit of understatement. The status of single applies that either a) you've been in a relationship before and your just not in one now and b)your out on the scene meeting and dating people, and for me neither of those are true. They should have more choices like "Nun" "Monk" "Asexual" "B!tch Please!" or "Don't even bother" now THAT is a status.

Overnight Deep Thoughts...

-Hot fudge sundaes from McDonalds are awesome, the fact that I have to drive around to more than 1 24 hour McD's to get one (or two) is not awesome. They should have a 24 hour mechanic standby specifically for the ice cream machine. The end.
-7-11's should have drive thru's, can you imagine how great and convenient it could be!? If any one steals my idea i'll put a hex on you!
-Whatever happened to full service gas stations? The only time I see them is up north at rest stops. Those rest stops are awesome. They have Roy Rogers at those rest stops. Roy Rogers is awesome.
-When I'm at work I go outside and look up in the sky, moments like those makes me remember that we live on a planet, a mere speck in the universe.

Deep Thoughts

So far 2010 has been about 2 things to me. No its not important things like manned natural disasters (i.e. caving coal mines and exploding oil rigs) its about homewreckers and redemptions. This year we started off with the tale tails of Tiger. He and 15 and counting extra marital affairs flooded pop culture for far too long. All these women came out of the wood work to tattle on Tigers wood work...ha. Not too long after that Jessie James had a few dames of his own. Next it was the celebrity ladies' turn in the homewrecking enclave. Note that the torrid stories of Alicia Keys and Fantasia date back to previous years but the lid really blew off this year. Alicia married Swizz Beats who was clearly married when they started dating and they have a baby on the way. Hey if you move yo feet you lose your seat, or your husband whatever. Fantasia's ordeal started last summer when she met some dude at verizon store, sure verizon can be romantic *kanye shrug*. And this summer that dude's wife filed a suit claiming she ruined the marriage by getting busy by some 3G phones, 3G phones are pretty sexy no? So in closing on this topic, ho's are good for business. Next we have some pop culture redemption. Chris Brown went upside Rihanna's head last year during Grammy weekend and needless to say the road back from that town is still uphill for him. BUT early in the summer at the BET awards during his rousing and emotional rendition of a Michael Jackson tribute the road back to good graces just got a teenie weenie bit brighter. Also exactly one year ago Kanye West got hounded for saying what everyone else was thinking at last year's MTV VMA's but it was a bit harsh and uncalled for, blame it on the Henny. However; at last night's VMA's the last scene of the show was a standing ovation and a crowd chanting his name after a ABSOLUTELY KILLER performance in my opinion. Just an hour previous Taylor Swift gave a sophmoric, pitchy, underwhelming and melodramatic performance of a song she wrote about an incident that made her a household name. After her performance was a rousing ~3,000 person golf clap. Kanye Wins. In closing on this topic, as long as you can tapdance or rap, you negroes will be otay. Those are my extremely deep thoughts.